総督（ドージェ）: Doge
ドゥカーレ宮殿: Doge's Palace
ヴァポレット: vaporetto
カ・ドーロ: Ca'd'Oro
サンタルチア: Santa Lucia
サンマルコ広場: San Marco Plaza

Class notes for 2nd Class – January 16, 2004

In this case, who are you writing for? How complex should you make your writing? Should you try to be colorful or accurate? How should you choose the descriptive and colorful adjectives to make your article attractive to readers?

The translation this time was probably pretty easy. The translations were overall very, very well written. The accuracy was generally good. The slight problem was not so much in the accuracy of the translation, but in the construction of the sentences (incomplete, or run-on, or misusage of grammar – especially relative pronouns). There were some apparent difficulties in expressing the feeling of the article; the words themselves were pretty well translated, it was just putting them into the correct form.

This is a little like trying to find the right paints (for the right words); but then trying to create a picture that is pretty, and the style you want to use; impressionist, classic, or Raphael, or surreal, or pop art.

Some areas where everyone pretty much did the same thing:

The Title: 水の都 of course, if taken literally or translated directly, it comes out as The City on Water or The Water Capital or The City of Water.

However, there is a cultural point here in that the West generally refers to Venice as the City of Canals; almost never as the City on Water. So, this is a question of knowing some background into Western culture.

The segment about 本島. This can be translated literally into "the main island", but again, is this what the article wants to say? Or does it just want to talk about Venice as a city (which consists of 117 little islands). When you read your own segment about the main island of Venice and the 117 islands, does it make sense? If so, that's fine. This could be another way of saying what the Japanese says. But if you think that something doesn't make sense, perhaps you should read it again for context and see if there is something you missed in the overall meaning.

Canals are equated with blood vessels. The Japanese does use the word 血管. But there are a number of words for this. You may need to think about how many other words do you know and how to use them. What other words do you know and how can they be used?

There is a segment about Venice being the Queen of the Adriatic. There are two things to be careful of here; make sure you have explained why Venice was called the Queen before you call it the Queen, and make sure the logic makes sense. Venice was not called the queen because it had a republican form of government. It was called the Queen because this form of government allowed the merchants to become very successful, and make Venice so rich and powerful that it was given the name The Queen of the Adriatic.

In the middle paragraph, there is talk about Venice being a 中継基地. Again, what does this mean? Was Venice a city that allowed goods to be transferred from one vessel to another? A popular word was "transshipment". But is this really what was going on? Or was it a city where the East and West met; a crossroads or even a gateway. You have to think about what the meaning of the sentence or idea is, not what the words themselves say.

In the third paragraph, there is the segment about Legend has it that ....
Generally speaking, this is fine. I chose not to use the word legend. Legends are commonly known stories or backgrounds. Basically, I think the author just wanted to say that the fact is well-known or that it is often said that ....

In the third paragraph, there was a tendency to put the ideas of Venice being an important place where East meets West together with the point about Venice conquering Constantinople. What needs to be looked at is, do the two parts of the sentence belong together or should they be split into two sentences. The two ideas are not of the same line of thought, so unless you can do some rewriting to make the two pieces fit together, it may be better to put them in two separate sentences.

Towards the end of the article, there is a reference to the citizens of Venice being amazed by the richness of the Ca'd'Oro. The Venetians were not surprised by the richness or luxuriousness; they may marvel at it or be amazed or awe-struck by it, but not surprised by it. Surprise gives the impression that people thought it "意外だった." They didn't expect something so nice. The word "surprised" has a negative nuance.

Some people struggled a bit with the conclusion. The article wants to express sadness at the fading of the glory of Venice, much like the gold façade is fading from the buildings. So, the sea salt is not trying to find the remainders of the gold, as some people said, but rather it is the cause of the buildings fading away.

In choosing a good descriptive word for "潮風" many people used "breeze" or other rather pleasant-sounding words. If you think about it, this wind is responsible for destroying the beauty of Venice, so you want to choose either a neutral word or a word that is less complimentary.

Points for today's lesson

There are many words which the dictionary will give you for a Japanese word. The trick is knowing which one is the most appropriate for the particular case. In the paragraph about "blood vessels", while it is true that this is a correct word for 血管、 there are other words which also fit the description, but only one word is actually used in situations other than the biologically. There are words such as blood vessels, capillaries, veins, and arteries. The word artery is used for a lot of other cases, for example highways (main artery connecting Tokyo and Nagoya).

The word for 匂い or 香り. There is a nuance difference. In English, you can say smell, odor, fragrance, scent, aroma, stench, bouquet, perfume.

Or the word to look at something; you have 眺め、for example. You could say "There was a wonderful view". But by using a different word, you can change the feeling without changing the meaning. There is a wonderful vista. The word vista also calls to mind wide open spaces, so it gives a value-added image.

Reflections of beauty long past in a labyrinth of canals
Venice - The City of Canals

1. Vanishing Beauty Amidst a Labyrinth of Water and Canals
   This title may work better.

1. "Labyrinth of water and canals"

1. A labyrinth of canals
   This works better than "A canalled labyrinth" because the idea is that the canals are so complex that they seem to be like a labyrinth; the original implies that there is a labyrinth in which there are canals.
2. aesthetics of impermanence
   This may work better because "impermanence" has a more picturesque image than "perishability."

■水と運河の迷宮
ヴェニスといえば運河ということになっている。

■ヴェネツィア
Venice : for English speakers
Venezia, Venetia : for Europeans

■数値の表現
Once you chose a style for ordinal or cardinal numbers, maintain that style through.
Besides the NYT Style Book, Chicago Manual of Style or the like, make your own rule book, and stay with it to keep consistency.
Numerals can be used as required in technical, scientific documents, but don't start with a number in literary documents.
Spell out a round number (ex, 23,000).
"80 thousands," for example, is 重箱読み.

Venice and its history have been shaped by water for more than 1,000 years. Venice was founded in the 9th century A.D. in a swampy lagoon where a number of rivers empty out into the Adriatic Sea. The city's founding fathers built the city in the lagoon to escape invading marauders who were pillaging their way down from the north. From its humble beginnings as a refuge from invaders, Venice has grown into a city of 117 islands connected by over 400 bridges and interlaced with nearly 150 canals. These canals, the life-giving arteries of the city, have transformed Venice into a wondrous and enchanting floating city.

1. Although "knitted" is a very good word here, because we are talking about water in this article, it might be more effective if you could find a verb that is more closely connected with an image of water.
2. invaders, founded the city in a lagoon
3. has since developed into a brilliant water city

1. that is shaped (defined) by
   Although "stamped by" fits here, because we are talking about water in this article, it might be more effective if you could find a verb that is more closely connected with an image of water.
2. the ancestors of modernday Venetians
   You should probably mention whose ancestors you are talking about; modernday Venetians.
3. were escaping from invaders from the North
   The people were escaping from people from the North (invaders); not the North itself.
4. have been created and
5. has been transformed into a beautiful

1. Although "imprinted" works here, because we are talking about water in this article, it might be more effective if you could find a verb that is more closely connected with an image of water. For example, "Venice has a history that is steeped in water" or "Venice, with its history closely shaped by water".
2. ancestors of modern Venice escaped from
3. the northern invaders
   The people of Venice were escaping from people (invaders), not a country (nation).

1. One thousand years of Venetian history
2. the 9th century
   Be consistent in writing numbers; later on, these numbers are written numerically.
3. Venice has since developed into a

■ 北方民族の侵入から逃れて
先祖が北から逃げてきたのではなく、北方民族が北から侵入してきた。

■ 血管のように
血管だからといって veins や blood vessels を使うと生々しすぎて「ギョッ」とする。vein は「鉱脈」にはＯＫ （gold、silver、diamond veins）。main connecting tubes として arteries が適切。

The republican form of government adopted by Venice helped it become a country of merchants. Venice's dominance in trade was so great in the Mediterranean area that it came to be known as the Queen of the Adriatic. In the 12th century, out of a population of about 80,000, nearly 20,000 Venetians went abroad to do business. Because it stood at the crossroads of the flow of trade between the East and the West, Venice succeeded in amassing tremendous wealth. Venice had become so powerful that by 1204, it had conquered Constantinople (now Istanbul), the ancient capital of the Byzantium Empire. In the 14th century, it defeated its archrival Genoa and seized control of not only the Adriatic but the entire Mediterranean Sea. Beyond all doubt, Venice was indeed the Queen of the Seas.

1. Venice was once called the Queen of the Adriatic because Venetian
2. Venice thus became Queen of the Seas
   Because the article mentions both the Adriatic and Mediterranean Seas, the plural form is probably better here.

1. why Venetia was called "Queen of the Adriatic"
2. twenty thousand people out of a total population of eighty thousand
3. went abroad to do business
4. east-west trade
5. and conquered Constantinople
6. Venetia defeated Genoa
7. as the true Queen of the Seas, both in name and
   The article mentions both the Adriatic and the Mediterranean Seas.

1. A factor that made Venice the "Queen of the Adriatic Sea"
2. In the 12th century
   You should be consistent in how you write these numbers; later in the article, you use numbers instead of writing out the centuries.
3. about 20,000 out of the population of about 80,000
   If you use "population," you probably don't need to repeat the word "people."
4. state accumulated vast wealth ... for east-west trade
5. conquered Constantinople
   This segment is referring to a completely different set of ideas from the first half of the sentence. Accumulating vast wealth has nothing to do with the conquering of Constantinople, so you may want to make two separate sentences here.
6. Venice defeated its enemy of long-standing

1. nearly a quarter of its eighty thousand citizens
2. went abroad to seek

■（東西貿易の）中継基地
"Transshipment" is a specific word for 積みなおし as in the case of the Panama Canal with tidal locks.
"Crossroad" is a very English word. "Junction" is OK, too.

Venice was a republic with all of its political decisions being made by a uniquely ordered administration. The seat of the Venetian government was the Doge's Palace. It is said that the first doge, or governor, of Venice was elected in the 7th century. The government headed by the ruling doge included such bodies as the Grand Council, the Senate, and the Council of Forty. In order to ensure that no doge could seize power for himself, the decision-making process was divided into two or three different levels.

1. government, which handled all policy matters
2. According to legend
3. led by the Doge

1. political system, a form of government called republicanism
2. was the stage where politics was played out
   This sentence was a bit difficult, as it was necessary to try to combine the image of "the stage" and "politics." Also, the pronoun "them" wasn't clear, so I felt it was better to rewrite this segment.

1. determined its policies
2. Its government, led by the Doge, was constituted

1. governmental agencies
   Or "bodies" may work better.
2. first governor, or Doge, was

■伝説によると
This makes no sense to me.
「昔から言われている」で十分です。

The monumental Doge's Palace was constructed in the 9th century on top of what was originally a fortress. The palace was destroyed a number of times by fire and rebuilt each time with more and more splendor. But it was between the 14th and 16th centuries that the Doge's Palace came to be graced with the magnificent external embellishments that adorn it today.

1. "Defiance" has an active nuance, and it's a bit questionable if the city could be said to actively "defy" the fires – maybe something like "In spite of" or "Notwithstanding."

1. increased its grandeur over the

1. was constructed on a fortress built in
2. the Doge's Palace continued

1. was built on top of a fortress
   In my interpretation of the Japanese, the palace was built on top of an existing old fortress.
2. survived in spite of them and succeeded in adding to
3. from the 14th through 16th centuries
   You can say "over two centuries" to indicate a span of time, but I don't think you can say "over the 14th through 16th centuries."

■ 巨大な（ドゥカーレ宮殿）
mammoth、huge、colossal はいずれもＯＫだが、“Monumental" means big, important, and also very large.

■ 要塞をもとに
on top of what was originally a fortress
The original fortress was still there.

The Grand Canal - A Floating Museum of Classic Architecture
Out on the Grand Canal vaporetto, or water buses, can be seen weaving their way through the water. Considered to be Venice's main street, this wonderfully festive stretch of water flows for 4 kilometers in the shape of a backward 'S' between Santa Lucia Station and Piazza San Marco. Reflections of solemn churches and nearly 200 decorative palaces of the old aristocracy create a colorful mosaic of images in the water along both banks of the canal. The palaces, called palazzos, and churches were constructed between the 12th and 18th centuries. These old buildings reflect the changing styles of Venetian architecture with the passing of the centuries. The palazzos reflect the many different styles of architecture, including Romanesque, Gothic, Renaissance, and Baroque, that were in vogue at various periods in time. The Grand Canal is a virtual floating museum of historic buildings.

1. navigates the Grand Canal (This is the proper name of the canal.)
2. This sentence probably needs to be reworked so the nuance is on the fact that the Grand Canal is the main street; there is no main street in addition to the Grand Canal.
3. and Baroque.

■ manor
Manors are those with a big estate.

1. The Grand Canal
   This is a proper noun – the name of the main canal in Venice.
2. the Grand Canal, the city's gorgeous main street which flows through the city
   "Penetrates" sounds a bit too sharp – it means to stab or enter; the image you want is to flow or wander. Also, this sentence probably should be reworded so the nuance is on the fact that the Grand Canal is the main street; there is no main street in addition to the Grand Canal.
3. an inverted S-shaped area
4. On both sides of the Grand Canal
5. houses are reflected on the water
6. These buildings, built from the 12th century through the 18th century
7. will show you such spectacular styles of architecture as Romanesque, Gothic

1. The Grand Canal is a Floating Architectural Museum
   The "Grand Canal" is the proper name for the main canal.
2. Traveling by vaporetto, you can go down the Grand Canal, which passes through the city of Venice
3. from Santa Lucia station to
4. is the gorgeous main street
5. The Grand Canal is like a corridor of

1. They trace the development

■ 貴族
aristocrats

Royalty (王族): King & Queen
Aristocracy (貴族): Duke, Prince, Earl (Count), Viscount, Baron, Lord

Among the many palazzos that grace the Grand Canal, the Ca'd'Oro, which means the House of Gold, is one of the most beautiful. The Ca'd'Oro is perhaps the quintessential example of 15th century Venetian Gothic architecture, and is said to rank with the Doge's Palace as one of the great showpieces of the city. At the time it was built, true to its name Ca'd'Oro, the façade of the building was covered with gold foil. The interior of this palazzos was a masterpiece of Renaissance period workmanship. Even Venetians would marvel at the richness and splendor of the Ca'd'Oro.

1. Ca'd'Oro, which means golden manor house,
2. is said to rank together with the Doge's Palace as a masterpiece of 15th century Gothic architecture
3. with splendid (or sumptuous) art of the Renaissance

1. the Ca'd'Oro in particular, which means "Golden House," is considered to be the crowning work of 15th century Gothic style architecture, and ranks with the Doge's Palace as a masterpiece of this period

1. is considered to be a masterpiece among
   A masterpiece means "the best," so "best masterpiece" is a bit redundant.
2. the façade was gilded and the inside was designed

1. Among other splendors appearing overhead
   I'm not quite sure where this word "overhead" fits in. What is being expressed here?

「運河」というと、仕事場の窓の下の亀島川、阪神が優勝すると人が飛び込む道頓堀川などを自然に思い浮かべるので、そのようなところを船で下れば景色は頭上に展開するのだと勝手に想像して書いたらこうなりました。ニキビ華やかなりし頃に見た仏・伊合作のヌーベルバーグ映画「大運河」はまさにここが舞台で、英語のタイトルも No Sun in Venice。ロジェ・バディムが監督した耽美的タッチの不条理ポップアートで、ロベール・オッセンという俳優の個性やバックに流れるＭＪＱのモダンジャズにしびれて画面をよく見ていなかったのでしょうか。

2. Behind the façade

■ 建物
"Architecture" is not a physical building, but used when talking about the style, etc.

■ 驚きを与える
surprising : アッ --- for anything you've never expected (not a compliment)
in awe, amazing : スッゲー

But 500 years of time and salt air have taken their toll on the palazzo. The golden sheen that once glittered from its façade has faded and the glory that once belonged to the Ca' d' Oro has passed into oblivion.

1. have been long enough to let
2. So, hurry and visit the city of real Venice
   I am not sure what the intention is behind the phrase "the city of real Venice." What is the image or idea that is being expressed here?

「ヴェニスの真髄」といった試みでした。
この真髄が塩害をともなう経時変化で少なくとも物理的に侵され続けている。 同時に、わが国の京都におけるような人為的な侵食が将来ヴェニスでも起こらないという保証はない。
古の、京の都の駅前に、いつの間にやら、蝋燭タワー。
これもエッフェル塔くらいの年代を経ないと、まことに鬱陶しい。
■ 潮風
"Breeze" is a good, positive word, but doesn't damage anything.
"Wind" has more impact.