Reflected electromagnetic waves used to locate life functions Life Detecting System SIRIUS used to search for missing mother and two children

The Hyper Rescue Team was dispatched by the Tokyo Metropolitan Fire Department to aid in the search for Takako Minagawa and her two children, trapped in their mini-van under a landslide caused by the Niigata-Chuetsu Earthquake. The victims were found by SIRIUS, a Life Detecting System manufactured by Selectronic International Services GmbH, a special equipment manufacturer in Germany.

SIRIUS, which contains a receiver and transmitter integrated into a single box-shaped unit, uses electromagnetic waves to detect even the faintest pulse or breathing of not only a human victim, but any living thing.

This device was originally designed as a medical instrument that utilized electromagnetic waves to monitor the cardiorespiratory functions of patients around-the-clock without actually touching them. The basic design was modified by connecting the transmitter and receiver to a computer for performing data analysis, enabling the device to be used as a Life Detecting System.

1. I think it is more accurate to say that this is a detecting system, rather than a location system.
2. The plural form is better.
3. Is this the official name of the earthquake? (Niigata-Chuetsu Earthquake?)
4. This may need to be written to be a little more clear; it sounds a bit like only the two children were missing.
5. This may be a minor point, but the position of this segment makes it sound as though you mean to say that living persons are called Sirius.
6. Were the mother and two children buried under one landslide or a lot of landslides?
7. Rather than the singular form, I think the plural form works better here.
8. The word order feels a bit strange. I think "…of humans and other forms of life" works better.
9. This probably should be hyphenated.
10. It's a bit unclear what this pronoun refers to; is it products or the company?
11. This almost sounds like you are saying that the heart and lungs change location. It might be better if you just said that the Sirius monitored the functions of the heart and lungs.
12. Do we have one or two lungs?
13. Are you saying that the machine is turned on for only 24 hours? Is that how long it takes to finish monitoring the heart?
14. This needs the definite article.
15. I think this should be "of detecting" or you could just say "To detect living persons…"
16. The preposition is wrong. You make modification "to" something.
17. This needs to be the plural verb form.
18. This doesn't say what the computer is analysing. You could use "analysis" to end this sentence.

1. Was it a mudslide or a landslide; there needs to be consistency.
2. If you say this, it sounds like the family was not attending something (like not attending a party). It would be better to say "who were all missing because of the earthquake…"
3. Is there a reason why this product name is in italics the first time but does not appear in italics again?
4. This sounds a bit strange. It sounds like the family was intentionally buried by someone or something. And it sounds like the act of burying them was a successful thing.
5. There is a consistency problem here; you use "mudslide" in the title, but "landslide" here.
6. I think "combination" usually means the components of two things are mixed together. I'm not sure this is the case here; I think it only means that the two components share the same box.
7. This should be "by means of" or "using"
8. The plural form "waves" is better here.
9. I think there is a difference between "a slight" and "faint." In this case, "faint" is a better choice.
10. This makes it sound like people are a separate category from other living things. You may want to say "people and other living things."
11. This should be "monitored."
12. Unnecessary
13. See earlier comment.
14. Does the Japanese say that the present model builds on its predecessor?
15. This sounds like some victims are intentionally not searched for.

1. To be honest, I am not too fond of using the term "kids" in documents. I suppose it depends on the audience, but the term "kids" is overly familiar and casual (kind of like saying "ガキ" in Japanese).
2. This is a nice phrase. Very clever.
3. The rescue might have been desperate or even heartrending, but it's kind of hard to say that it was daring. The rescue did not take place in a burning building or under any other types of grave danger.
4. I think I would use either the woman's name here or the indefinite article here, since it has not yet been established in the article that she was a housewife.
5. Starting off this sentence with the pronoun "they" could be a bit confusing, as it may refer to the housewife and children, rather than the Hyper-Rescue Team. To avoid this potential problem, you might want to use the passive voice and say, "The victims were spotted …."
6. This segment concerns me a bit, for some reason. I think it might be because I would describe the victims as being trapped under boulders that had swallowed the minivan or as being trapped under a landslide. I don't know if I'd try to include both boulders and a landslide in the description. The phrase "boulders in a landslide" caused me to stop and think what this might mean.
7. I'm not sure if I'd use the word "feat" to describe what happened here. A feat would be a positive accomplishment; like Ichiro's 262 base hits. I would tend to wonder whether spotting a minivan could be described as a feat.
8. This is essentially correct, but is the device a sensing system or a detecting system; and is there really a difference between the two? My personal philosophy is that a machine can detect things but a living entity can sense things.
9. I think this should be either "…is capable of remote sensing of the breath…" or "is capable of sensing the breath…from a distance…"
10. Do you mean to focus on just the sensor component of the Sirius device or do you mean to describe the system?
11. Is this the actual full name of the company?
12. If you are referring to medical instruments in general, I think the plural form should be used here.
13. Since you are not referring to a specific patient here, the indefinite article would work better.
14. I don't have the technical background to make a firm comment here, but it seems to me that if you are referring to a type of signal, this should be the plural form "electromagnetic waves."
15. The word order here may need some modifications. Generally, a new version is modelled after an older one, so in this case, you could say Selectronics based the life detecting system on the original contact-free monitoring system.

1. Is it more accurate to say that this is a detecting system or a locating system?
2. You probably don't need the definite article here.
3. The word "motions" is generally used to describe the movement from one point to another. In this case, it may be better to mention heartbeat and breathing rather than motions.
4. Two points here: one is that the word order should be changed; second, the phrase "track someone down" refers to chasing someone who is running away. This is not the case here.
5. Since you haven't mentioned anything about an earthquake earlier in your text, you can't use the definite article here.
6. This isn't needed.
7. This should probably be "to be an effective…"
8. I think "breathing" works better here.
9. I think the simple past tense works better here.
10. Is this the official name of the company?
11. Since you already said that the company was a special-purpose equipment manufacturer, is it necessary to mention "special" again?
12. Are you talking about advanced technology? What exactly is "high-frequency" technology? Or do you mean to say that electromagnetic waves are high-frequency waves?
13. Perhaps "a contact-free medical device" works better here.
14. This needs to be "breathing."

○ シリウス
Sirius is the name of the Dog Star.
人命探査装置が「犠牲者を嗅ぎつける」という意味で、この名前が付けられたものと思われる。

○ 人命探査
life detecting

この装置のメーカーである独Lionwings社のサイトで「探査」はlokalisierungであり、この英訳がlocalizationもしくはlocation。localizationには「位置測定」と「ある地方に限定」の意味があるが、前者にはGPSなどのpositioningが一般的で、後者はもっぱらソフトウェアのローカライゼーションのように用いられている。さらにlocationはもっぱら「位置」。また、たとえばedit（編集）の名詞形がeditionではなくeditingであるのと同様にlocate（発見）もlocationではなくlocatingとなる。

○ 土砂崩れ
mudslide : 土砂崩れ、土石流
landslide : 地すべり

○ 皆川貴子さん
（クライアントの指示が第一だが）固有名詞は日本人以外の読者に重要でない場合もある。

○ 子供
kids : I don't like it. It's not proper if written. いわゆる「ガキ」である。
childre : Safe to use it for general audience.

○ ワゴン車
古くからアメリカに station wagon、イギリスに estate car というクラスの自動車があった。進駐軍のジープで有名なクライスラーが約２０年前にこれを改良して minivan というカテゴリーのファミリーカーを作り、その車種が日本ではしばらく「ワンボックスカー」と呼ばれていた。Greg さんは「ワゴン車」を minivan としている。

○ わずかな心肺の動き
weak : 弱い。
slight : 多少あることが前提。
faint : 微かな（faint scent, smell = 微かな香り、匂い）。

「動き」は movement でよいが、心臓は pulse (heartbeat)、肺は breathing がもっとよい。

○ 装置、器具
device は意味が多くて一番よい。
apparatus は特許明細によく出てくる。しかし、Patents are NEVER English!

○ combine
A transmitter and a receiver can't be combined. A transceiver has both functions. But the machines can't be combined, in my logic.

○ desperate, daring, feat (for the rescue operation)
Using these exciting words pushes the reader in the direction you want.

ハラハラしながら救出作業をテレビで見ていたから無意識に使っているが、原文は冷静に書かれている。翻訳者は勝手に興奮して不用意な主観を交えてはならない。

ところで助けられた２才の優太ちゃんは車の中にはいなかったし、テキストにも「ワゴン車ごと」とあるので、埋まっていた minivan の前置詞 in は適当でない。

By comparing the waveforms of electromagnetic waves emitted by its antenna against the waveforms of the signals reflected back to its receiver, SIRIUS is able to determine whether or not there is anything living trapped under the rubble and debris.

The waveform produced by an electromagnetic wave returning from being reflected off an unmoving object maintains the same shape. However, the returning signal produces a shift in the waveform should the electromagnetic wave strike a moving object. Utilizing these special properties, SIRIUS transmits electromagnetic waves into a pile of rubble or debris. The receiver picks up any activity from the pulse or breathing of a buried victim. These signals are analyzed by the on-board computer, which then displays the data on a screen.

The degree of deviation of the waveform produced by the reflected signals can determine whether a person or an animal has been found, as their breathing rhythms produce different movement of their lungs.

SIRIUS is capable of telling the number of people buried and even whether the victim is an adult or a child. The device is also able to determine how many adults or children are buried, as well as how badly their physical condition has deteriorated. SIRIUS has a search range of 20 meters, can pinpoint the location of a victim in 30 seconds to a minute, and tell if there are any survivors.

「特性」とあればcharacteristicsかpropertiesを使うが、「特」だからといってspecial を加える必要はないのではないか。

1. The construction here is awkward. This should probably say "..move in the same way as that…"
2. The waves are not emitted towards the debris but into the debris.
3. A better verb would be something like "strike" or "hit"
4. Since you are using the singular form of "heart" and "lung," you should be consistent and say "a person" rather than "persons."
5. This is a minor point, but is the data displayed on the computer or on the screen?
6. Human or not?? Do you mean that it could be a monster?
7. Since you are comparing two types of creatures (humans and animals), this should be "rhythms."

訳し終わって（ないけど）、Siriusを作った会社のwebページに、この救出劇の記事が載っているのを見つけました。ご参考までに。
http://www.lionwings.de/cms/2side84.html

1. The definite article needs to be before this word
2. I think to be more accurate, these people should be referred to as "survivors"
3. I don't think you need the comma here.
4. This word is unnecessary.
5. Another good word here would be "unmoving"
6. Rather than "substance" I think "object" is better here.
7. This sounds awkward. You could just say "sent into the debris and earth."
8. Do the signals have to hit both of these organs or either one of them?
9. Are all signals collected and analyzed or just those signals that reflect off organs?
10. I know the Japanese says this, but logically, isn't this data displayed on a screen?.
11. Why is the pronoun "we" used suddenly here? This is the first time you are using a pronoun. And who does "we" refer to?
12. This should probably be "adults" rather than "grownup"
13. "Wounded" is generally used with weapons; "injured" is a better word here.
14. I would recommend using "is" or "has become."
15. This sounds like you are shooting a gun.
16. Is this device installed or is it just placed somewhere? I think this is a portable machine, so it cannot be installed.
17. This sounds awkward. I think "survivors" is better.
18. This is redundant because you have already stated that there are survivors.

1. This is essentially correct. Personally, I am a little hesitant about using the word "target" in situations like this, as this word sounds like you are aiming a weapon.
2. Is an RF signal the same as an EM signal?
3. Perhaps this should be "aimed at…
4. Since this is a bit vague as to what buried what (the sentence construction points to the RF signal as being the thing that buried the victims), you might want to say "…at the area of mud or debris where the victim may be buried."
5. It would be nice if this could be written a little shorter; for example, use the words "pulse" or "breathing" to describe the bodily functions.
6. This might flow a little more smoothly if you reconstruct it; "…the RF signal because of the difference between the pace of expansion and contraction of the lungs when they breathe."
7. Do you want to limit the victims to adults and babies? It might be better to say "child" rather than "infant" (infant implies babies).
8. Can the device actually determine how the victims became weakened?
9. The word order here implies that the victims were weakened one by one. Also, the structure seems to say that something actively weakened the victims, rather than the fact that the victims became gradually weaker.
10. When you say "if present," do you think it is clear enough what you are referring to?

ここでは英文の smooth な flow について正されている。欧米言語による意思伝達では言葉の「流れ」が大切な要素になるということ。

1. The correct form of this word is the singular form "rubble."
2. Are you intentionally using a different pair of words here? Earlier you used "debris and rubble."
3. Perhaps "movement" or "functioning" may work better.
4. This sounds like a needle is inserted into the subject.
5. I know this is what the Japanese says, but it sounds like you are comparing humans and non-humans (in other words, monsters or beasts). Maybe it would be clearer if you said "a person or not."
6. Are you implying that Sirius ignores the object if it isn't a human?
7. What is a combination of an adult and a child? A teenager?
8. Victims of a disaster are not ill, they may be injured but they are not ill.
9. To be exact, Sirius is not installed. If a machine is portable, it can be placed somewhere, but not installed.
10. This doesn't sound right. Are you trying to express "pinpointing"?
11. I think "can" may be better here.
12. A word like "searching" may be better.

○ 土砂やがれき
(a pile of) rubble or debris.
rubble : 瓦礫、がらくた（爆発で崩壊したビルなど、大きくて危険）。
debris : 瓦礫の類、残骸（災害などで散乱するなんでもかんでも一切合財）。

いずれも自然、人工を問わない造物、造作の瓦礫（岩石から畳まで）。

○ 生存者
Be careful about expressing : 生存者
survivors, those who survived the accident

○ 人間と動物
a person or an animal
"Humans and animals" is a natural flow of words.

○ 成人か子供か
成人というより大人と解する。
adults or children

adult movie や adult bookstore があるにはあるけど、成人は grownups。
"This movie is only for grownups. You can't see it."

○ 配置した場所
単に置いただけで、install などと書けば装置が portable でないと読まれる。

○ けが
injury : 事故による負傷のほか、あらゆる損傷。
Wound : 戦場、または gun や knife を使った意図的原因による負傷。

…injured by a gunshot とは言えない。傷口そのものは wound でよい。

○ 探る、探索する
search (probe)… to locate…
この場合、locate の名詞は location より locating。

Sidetracking …
● 地震に遭わないようにできないし、遭ってしまえば「後の祭り」だし…
That's like closing the barn doors after the horses have escaped.

● 殺人
killing
homicide (suicide, insecticide)
manslaughter
murder
くわしくは、http://www.lectlaw.com/def.htm をどうぞ。