You could say that the space x-ray satellite known as "Suzaku" (Japanese for a mystical Chinese bird similar to the phoenix) is a device that catches x-rays from outer space. Hot gases, as high as 10 million to 100 million degrees, emit x-rays giving us a peek into secrets of the universe, including black holes and space's mysterious x-factor, the substance known as "dark matter".

Last year, America and Europe's space agencies respectively launched "Chandra" and "Newton", two x-ray observation satellites that detected a colossal black hole that had swallowed a star roughly the same size as the sun. When matter is sucked into a black hole x-rays are emitted, and these signals from beyond were captured by the satellites.

1. X-ray → An x-ray
2. at → ranging from
3. Great! I’m very glad you added Celsius as almost everyone, including myself, just wrote degrees without specifying if it should be Celsius or Fahrenheit.
4. in → of
5. Almost everyone in the class struggled a great deal with 「宇宙の黒幕」 Many people used terminology for 「黒幕」that would be great if we were talking about a Mafia crime boss (like “fixer” or “string puller”, etc.) but we can’t give human characteristics to something so vast as dark matter. In your case, the wording sounds too 直訳. I tried “mysterious x-factor” and I think you want to use something along those lines.
6. each of 削除。
7. カンマ挿入。
8. “Swallowed” is the perfect word in this context but no need to put it in quotes. The verb “swallow” is often used in context with black holes so it’s normal to write it as is.
9. infalling → falling
   The better word for 「落ち込む」 would be that matter is “sucked in” or “drawn in” to a black hole. We’re in outer space with no gravity, so matter isn’t truly “falling” in a physical sense.

1. to 削除。
2. matters → matter
3. Very strong opening paragraph except for the last sentence. First, I’m glad you indicated the temperature as “Centigrade”. Almost everyone in the class, including myself, just wrote “degrees” without indicating Celsius or Fahrenheit. I also love that you chose “delve”; it’s the perfect verb in this context. Everyone had problems with 「宇宙の黒幕」. The problem is it sounds awkward to put human actions and qualities upon something as vast and infinite as dark matter.
4. “Swallowed” was perfect for 「飲み込む」but for 「落とし込む」the best verb, with black holes being the context, would be “sucked in” or “drawn in”

1. 文章自体に間違いはないが、「～スタート！」と筆者が「！」を使って出したかった urgency が訳出されていない。
2. through を削除。
3. which black holes and dark matter may be unveiled を、which may unveil black holes and dark matter に変更。
4. underlying substances に変更。
5. when matter is sucked into (drawn into) a black hole に変更（原文に忠実に）。

1. As we discussed in class, the saying “beat around the bush” is very common but I have never heard “beat up the bushes”. I do love, however, your use of “Space Sentry”. Sounds very cool.
2. X-rays are
3. I think this was your stab at 「宇宙の黒幕」. In this case, your use of “background” confuses the meaning of the sentence. What is used as “the background”? X-rays? Space? I like “celestial secrets” very much. Perhaps I misunderstood and this was your 訳 for 「宇宙の黒幕」.Either way, we still need to do something with that vague “background”.
4. See this link for the definition of “gobbled”:
   Now, “gobble” can mean to swallow greedily but I look to the animal kingdom to draw comparisons here. A python or boa constrictor will “swallow” its prey whole. It may take some time to get there, but the process is slow, thorough and complete. That’s how I see a black hole “swallowing” a star. On the other hand, I picture a hyena gobbling up meat from a fresh kill. This hyena is competing with other hyenas, a few brazen vultures and extremely dangerous lions so he or she doesn’t even have time to savor the meal. The hyena has to tear off those chunks of meat and gobble them up quickly before the competition leaves him with an empty stomach.

Japan is a pioneer in the field of X-ray astronomy. After a successful launch last month, trial observations are set to begin with "Suzaku" in mid-August. "Its analytical capability blows away both Chandra and Newton in terms of studying the wavelengths and spectrum of X-ray outbursts from the cosmos", proudly boasts Professor Hajime Inoue from the Institute of Space and Aeronautical Science (ISAS), a division of the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA).

As an approaching police car or ambulance zooms by, one hears the siren's pitch get higher. This is known as the Doppler effect. In fact, a shift in the sound wavelength causes this phenomenon. Suzaku uses the same principle to determine the speed of superheated gases emitted by celestial bodies by capturing both short and long wavelength modifications. If Suzaku can live up to its potential, it may just help to solve a piece of the puzzle to what is said to be one of modern science's most profound issues, "dark matter".

1. Although no one in class did it, it would be great for the native English speaker if you told them what “Suzaku” means in Japanese.
   訳者注： 「すざく」は特に意味のない固有名詞だと思っていました‥‥。
2. Effect → effect
3. → a siren’s pitch sounds higher as it approaches
   Although it’s not in the Japanese, I would add a vehicle that has a siren, like an ambulance or a police car, because otherwise the meaning becomes a little muddy. The siren isn’t really approaching but the vehicle is.
4. the を取る。
5. wavelength → the wavelengths
6. Very good work here. I think you handled this paragraph without any difficulty.

1. the 挿入。
2. Although it’s not in the Japanese it would be helpful to the native English speaker if a very brief explanation was given as to what “Suzaku” means in Japanese.
3. X-rays wavelengths
4. Since the Japanese uses 「凌駕する」we need something stronger, something more boastful than just simply “more precisely”.
5. Effect → effect
6. a 挿入。
7. matters → matter
8. are → is

1. Japan specializes (excels) in X-ray astronomy. に変更。
2. 原文にはないが、朱雀の意味がわかならい読者のために、簡単な説明をつけるとよいであろう。
3. sound source like an ambulance or police car と、例を付けるとよりよいであろう。
4. Suzaku’s ability に変更。
5. subjects に訂正。

1. has been a pioneer
2. Prof. Inoue is either a very modest guy or he doesn’t have confidence in his country’s own satellite. The Japanese uses 凌駕する so we need some more serious trash talking here. Simply by saying “might” you’ve taken a lot of bravado out of the professor’s words, which is not the intended effect here.
3. Good word choice here.
4. I’m glad you included a vehicle here like an ambulance or police car because it sounds awkward to say, “a siren is approaching”.
5. Effect → effect
6. A well put together paragraph!

Professor Inoue elaborates on outer space's unseen master. "From gravity and other astronomical measurements, it is believed that 90% of the universe is made up of dark matter, an imperceptible substance in which neither light nor electromagnetic waves can escape. Although dark matter's nature is exceedingly difficult to comprehend, by examining the surrounding hot gases we- can learn how dark matter moves and where it's concentrated distributions are located."

Since the dawn of humanity, mankind has gazed upon the stars, all of his observations and studies limited to the naked eye. Today, our window to the heavens is beginning to expand as vast as the universe itself.

1. the を取る。
2. See Note (5). In fact, almost everyone in the class chose to ignore 「影の主役」. Granted, this was a very difficult term to translate in regards to the context but I’m glad you gave it an attempt because most members of the class chose not to.
3. its sprawling region→where it’s distributed
4. human → humans/humankind
5. Not bad at all. I would eliminate the repetition of the word “clues”. Also, although it’s only word I really think we need a “now” or “currently” or “today” to connect the flow of this sentence from the dawn of civilization to the wonders of the space age.

1. dark matter is
2. matters → matter
3. See note #1. A string puller or manipulator or fixer would be great if we’re talking about some underworld crime boss or some shady political powerbroker, but this is a very human action that we can’t attach to infinite, barely understood dark matter. Likewise, we use the verb “flock” for humans or certain animals, in particular birds, but we don’t want to attribute this action to dark matter.
4. are → is
5. where it is most heavily distributed
6. Since you’ve already used “bodies” twice earlier in the translation, I would use another word here. There are lots of great words to choose from: the cosmos, the heavens, the galaxy, etc.

1. 「影の主役」を人にたとえなかったのはよいが、言葉の選択が今一歩。
2. many more waysは、sounds too dull and plainで あり、ここではクロージングにふさわしい something a little bit more poetic or stylish な表現が必要。

1. As I mentioned in class, the underlined part is redundant and wordy. Delete it and your sentence sounds smoother and has that poetic touch that I believe the last sentence was asking for.