Bentonite is a type of layered clay, or natural clay mineral formed from accumulated volcanic ash and lava deposits on the ocean’s floor that have been subject to crushing pressure and intense heat for eons.

1. Your title is plain. Let’s have some pizzazz!
2. minerals → mineral
3. layer → layered
4. several ten million years → millions of years
   million という大きな数を表すには several tens や dozensは 数が小さすぎ、バランスが悪い

1. Downy is a good word. Are you aware that is a popular brand of fabric softener called Downy?
2. Since we’re talking about so much time, you can safely use “millions of years”. A better word, however, would be “eons” which is used to cover huge spans of time.

So why don’t fabric softener and detergent get along? Most basic detergents are comprised of substances known as surfactants. The molecular composition of surfactants contains both lipophilics, which have an affinity for oil and hydrophilics, which have an affinity for water.

When surfactants mix with the water inside a washing machine, they act on the interface between water and fabric, with the lipophilics attaching themselves to the oils and proteins stuck to clothes while the hydrophilics are attracted to the water inside the washing machine, breaking up dirt and grime that’s found its way into the clothes’ fibers. After the surfactants separate the dirt, the bleaching agents found in the detergent work on removing messy spots and stains.

1. session 中に、「component だとやや physical なイメージがある。ここでいうようなごく小さなものを指すのに適当な語ではない」とのコメントあり。
2. agent → agents
3. a surface-active agent → surfactants
   I like this paragraph but you could save yourself some trouble if you called surface-active agents by their commonly known, abbreviated name, “surfactants”.
4. sprinkled → added (poured)
   Since the surfactants are included in the detergent, are we really “sprinkling” the detergent in or simply “adding” or “pouring” the detergent into the washing machine?
5. lipid → oil
   Instead of “lipids”, call the 皮脂 “oils”. Your reader will relate much better to fighting “oils” rather than “lipids”.

1. I had to research “actives” as I have never encountered the word used in this fashion. I think, however, it works very well for the incredibly tricky 成分。That being said, most of the cases where “softening actives” turned up were on highly technical sites. This word, in this context, may be too technical for this kind of document just as I told other class members to use “grease” or “oils” instead of the far more technical “sebum” for 皮脂.

In a regular load of laundry, one would normally add softener during the rinse cycle after the first wash. By not adding softener during the washing cycle, the detergent can separate oils and greasy stains. Adding conventional softener, however, causes the chemical properties found in fabric softener to bond with the detergent, weakening the detergent’s ability to stick to dirt and grime, making those stubborn stains even more difficult to remove.

Why isn’t this a problem when using bentonite? Layered bentonite breaks up in water, lodging itself in between the fibers of clothing. As a result, this reduces friction between the fibers, acting as a softener.

1. “To date” sounds misplaced here
2. the rinsing cycle
   通常、洗濯機でのすすぎの「段階」には process や step ではなく cycleを使う。
3. the 挿入。
4. combine with → stick (cling) to
   Are the detergents really “combining” with the stains? I think you made the right choice by avoiding the word “adsorption” because it is too easily confused with “absorption” and the average reader probably isn’t familiar with that word. The detergent is losing its ability to “stick” or “cling” to the dirt and grime, resulting in a poorer cleaning performance.
5. added
6. bentonite’s layered structure

1. Good, no one used “cycle” for 段階 but if you purchased a washing machine in the States the instructions would be filled with terms like “rinse cycle”, “spin cycle”, “wash cycle”, etc. It’s definitely the best word to use in this context.
2. Since the context is laundry, I would stick with simply “softener” and “detergent” We add softener to a load of laundry but not “softening agents”. As for “detergent”, in a laundry context it’s assumed that it cleans.

The development team then researched ways to pretreat bentonite. As bentonite is a natural mineral, it includes impurities that hamper the ability of the detergent to mix with it. The team applied numerous tricks to the trade to remove the impurities from the bentonite, sifting them or using a magnet to remove any traces of metal.

After the purification process has been completed, the bentonite is now a powder and has solidified into large granules along with the detergent and other cleaning agents. Like the mystery country for prime bentonite, the science behind this process is also kept under lock and key. Finally, when the bentonite is mixed with bleach enhanced with detergent, disinfectant and deodorizer, the end product is “Attack ALL in”. Including the finishing touches that went into “Attack ALL in”, hundreds of engineers, in addition to the ten core team members, worked together to develop this wonder detergent.

1. ways to pretreat the bentonite
   This sentence is just a little off. “The development team studied ways to pretreat the bentonite.” I would change pretreatment to the verb form and be sure to add “bentonite” because we are translating random sections of the article.
2. a を入れる。
3. don’t forget the など.
4. proprietary information
   “Proprietary information” reads better and sounds more natural. Proceed with caution when encountering the Japanese-English ノウハウ because it’s very tempting to use the English “know-how” where there are often better choices out there.
5. the core ten members of the team
6. but を入れる。
7. Good! I’m glad you mentioned the product name!

1. Proceed with caution when encountering the Japanese-English ノウハウ because it’s very tempting to use the English “know-how” when there are often better choices out there.
2. Wouldn’t “bleach” be more to the point and more fitting for an article about laundry and washes?