Last autumn at Tokyo’s Tsukiji fish market, something unusual happened. Buyers on the floor couldn’t keep their eyes off a tuna trawler returning with its haul of bigeye tuna. Hushed whispers in the market gradually turned into a roaring cacophony of heated voices and frenzied bidding. The winning bid - Y11,000 for one kilo of bigeye tuna, completely rewriting the record books by (2) shattering the previous high bid of Y8,000, (3) flooring every buyer, auctioneer, fisherman and anyone else (4) involved with the legendary fish market.

The answer to the riddle of this unusually high bid lies within the bowels of the vessel for on board is a freezing unit unlike any other. Known as CAS (cells-alive system), it is revolutionizing food storage as we know it.

1. bid
2. I’m glad you opted for “vessel” rather than simply calling it a “boat” or “ship”.
3. While we are talking exclusively about tuna in this article, your sentence makes it sound as if CAS sole application is for tuna, when of course it can be used for many kinds of food.

1. Great title!
2. I love your opening sentence.
3. newly developed を挿入。
4. 削除。

1. theを挿入する。
2. 「関係者」を文字通り訳さないで具体的に書く。
3. bizarre という言葉は機械に対して使わない。風変わりな機械を表すには other-worldly などが使える。

“Place your hand in here,” says Norio Owada, president of Abi Inc., with a mysterious smile on his face. Inside Mr. Owada’s research facility is an array of freezing units. My hand is concealed inside the device as I place it over the magnet. A gust of chilled air spews forth as the machine is switched on. Within seconds, my hands are shivering uncontrollably, but it’s not from the cold. It’s as if some unseen force is pulsing and shaking through me..

Conventional quick-freezing freezes (1) foods with chilled air several dozen degrees below zero. In this method, the outer surface of the food is thoroughly frozen, but freezing the inside is a time consuming process. As moisture is drawn to the surface, the inside is left dry while ice crystals cluster on the outer surface, destroying cell tissue and leading to what is known as capillary action where juices drip from the thawing food.

1. hold だと「つかむ／握る」感じになる。原文の「磁石を載せた手」とは違うかも。[訳者註]
2. Really good work here. The pacing and rhythm of your sentences help build the drama.
3. methods blow
4. Opting to use "material" for 素材 really takes something away from the translation. We lose the sense of the freshness, flavor and texture of delicious tuna, or any other food for that matter, when the bland "material" is used in its place.

CASは食品だけでなく医療用にも使われるので、ここでは食品を含むあらゆる「素材」を指す語を入れたかった。セッションでの議論では material、stuff、matter など候補はいろいろ出たがいずれも不適当であり、食品を含むあらゆる「素材」を指す語は見つかっていない。やはりこのパラグラフでは tuna などの一例に特化して説明し、医療用などの別の用途例は後で別途説明するしかないのかも。[訳者註]

5. the material’s surface
6. dripping
   I think you can polish this paragraph. Probably the most challenging part of this translation was trying to understand the ドリップがあふれる. At the very least, we would have liquid “dripping”, not “dipping”. This may have just been a typo on your part.
   

1. I was 挿入。
2. I’m glad you used the first person “I” in this paragraph; many others did not and it hurt the drama and tone of their translation. On a different note, I normally don’t see “wagged” used in this way. A dog wagging its tail or wagging your finger at someone, yes, but used as a force felt through your body doesn’t seem natural.

♪ How much is that doggie in the window? The one with the waggly tail…♪


3. This was tricky. There’s no clean way to translate 数十度 in English but we can come close. Others in the class also tried “several tens of degrees” but it’s awkward. While not perfect, “dozens” of degrees would work better. A dozen is 12 so dozens would be at least 24, thus coming within the range of 数十度.

1. この場合は you より I を主語にした方が臨場感が出るのでは？ 誰を主語にするかを決めるのは日英翻訳の難しいところ。

With CAS, fish, for example, is placed inside a magnetic field and pulsed with a faint dose of magnetic waves. Vibrating slightly, CAS doesn’t allow moisture to be drawn to the tissue surface, thus evenly freezing the food throughout at once.

Food given the deep freeze under CAS can keep ingredients fresh for up to two or three years, keeping the cell tissue intact even when frozen. Even after thawing, the food’s flavor and freshness remain exactly as before. The unprecedented high price tag for CAS-frozen tuna is surely a stamp of approval from pro evaluators.

What started as technology for preserving cream has now taken the food and medical world by storm.

1. a を入れる。
2. upon
3. the を入れる。
4. prior to
5. an を入れる。
6. longer periods

1. No doubt 素材 can cause fits when trying to find a suitable English word. The question here is “What is the context?” “Object” is just too vague. More importantly, this article talks about CAS being used primarily in the food industry. So, when we’re talking about electro-magnetic fields and quick-freezing and pulsations and all this other amazing technology, it’s even more incredible when we realize it’s being used on something as delicate as food. If we use “object”, we lose the sense of how all this high-tech is being applied to something so fragile and short-lived as food freshness, taste, color and texture. While CAS is not limited to food only, I think this article presents a situation where we can safely and very loosely translate 素材 as “food” or even “fish” since tuna is the fish in question. In fact, you open the first sentence of this paragraph with “food products or ingredients” so it would have been better to substitute either of those words for object.
2. Excellent work here.

1. a product shelf life of…
2. hard-bitten はあまり使われない。hardened、steely、hard-to-impress などがよい。

Bentonite is a type of layered clay, or natural clay mineral formed from accumulated volcanic ash and lava deposits on the ocean’s floor that have been subject to crushing pressure and intense heat for eons.

1. Your title is plain. Let’s have some pizzazz!
2. minerals → mineral
3. layer → layered
4. several ten million years → millions of years
   million という大きな数を表すには several tens や dozensは 数が小さすぎ、バランスが悪い

1. Downy is a good word. Are you aware that is a popular brand of fabric softener called Downy?
2. Since we’re talking about so much time, you can safely use “millions of years”. A better word, however, would be “eons” which is used to cover huge spans of time.

So why don’t fabric softener and detergent get along? Most basic detergents are comprised of substances known as surfactants. The molecular composition of surfactants contains both lipophilics, which have an affinity for oil and hydrophilics, which have an affinity for water.

When surfactants mix with the water inside a washing machine, they act on the interface between water and fabric, with the lipophilics attaching themselves to the oils and proteins stuck to clothes while the hydrophilics are attracted to the water inside the washing machine, breaking up dirt and grime that’s found its way into the clothes’ fibers. After the surfactants separate the dirt, the bleaching agents found in the detergent work on removing messy spots and stains.

1. session 中に、「component だとやや physical なイメージがある。ここでいうようなごく小さなものを指すのに適当な語ではない」とのコメントあり。
2. agent → agents
3. a surface-active agent → surfactants
   I like this paragraph but you could save yourself some trouble if you called surface-active agents by their commonly known, abbreviated name, “surfactants”.
4. sprinkled → added (poured)
   Since the surfactants are included in the detergent, are we really “sprinkling” the detergent in or simply “adding” or “pouring” the detergent into the washing machine?
5. lipid → oil
   Instead of “lipids”, call the 皮脂 “oils”. Your reader will relate much better to fighting “oils” rather than “lipids”.

1. I had to research “actives” as I have never encountered the word used in this fashion. I think, however, it works very well for the incredibly tricky 成分。That being said, most of the cases where “softening actives” turned up were on highly technical sites. This word, in this context, may be too technical for this kind of document just as I told other class members to use “grease” or “oils” instead of the far more technical “sebum” for 皮脂.

In a regular load of laundry, one would normally add softener during the rinse cycle after the first wash. By not adding softener during the washing cycle, the detergent can separate oils and greasy stains. Adding conventional softener, however, causes the chemical properties found in fabric softener to bond with the detergent, weakening the detergent’s ability to stick to dirt and grime, making those stubborn stains even more difficult to remove.

Why isn’t this a problem when using bentonite? Layered bentonite breaks up in water, lodging itself in between the fibers of clothing. As a result, this reduces friction between the fibers, acting as a softener.

1. “To date” sounds misplaced here
2. the rinsing cycle
   通常、洗濯機でのすすぎの「段階」には process や step ではなく cycleを使う。
3. the 挿入。
4. combine with → stick (cling) to
   Are the detergents really “combining” with the stains? I think you made the right choice by avoiding the word “adsorption” because it is too easily confused with “absorption” and the average reader probably isn’t familiar with that word. The detergent is losing its ability to “stick” or “cling” to the dirt and grime, resulting in a poorer cleaning performance.
5. added
6. bentonite’s layered structure

1. Good, no one used “cycle” for 段階 but if you purchased a washing machine in the States the instructions would be filled with terms like “rinse cycle”, “spin cycle”, “wash cycle”, etc. It’s definitely the best word to use in this context.
2. Since the context is laundry, I would stick with simply “softener” and “detergent” We add softener to a load of laundry but not “softening agents”. As for “detergent”, in a laundry context it’s assumed that it cleans.

The development team then researched ways to pretreat bentonite. As bentonite is a natural mineral, it includes impurities that hamper the ability of the detergent to mix with it. The team applied numerous tricks to the trade to remove the impurities from the bentonite, sifting them or using a magnet to remove any traces of metal.

After the purification process has been completed, the bentonite is now a powder and has solidified into large granules along with the detergent and other cleaning agents. Like the mystery country for prime bentonite, the science behind this process is also kept under lock and key. Finally, when the bentonite is mixed with bleach enhanced with detergent, disinfectant and deodorizer, the end product is “Attack ALL in”. Including the finishing touches that went into “Attack ALL in”, hundreds of engineers, in addition to the ten core team members, worked together to develop this wonder detergent.

1. ways to pretreat the bentonite
   This sentence is just a little off. “The development team studied ways to pretreat the bentonite.” I would change pretreatment to the verb form and be sure to add “bentonite” because we are translating random sections of the article.
2. a を入れる。
3. don’t forget the など.
4. proprietary information
   “Proprietary information” reads better and sounds more natural. Proceed with caution when encountering the Japanese-English ノウハウ because it’s very tempting to use the English “know-how” where there are often better choices out there.
5. the core ten members of the team
6. but を入れる。
7. Good! I’m glad you mentioned the product name!

1. Proceed with caution when encountering the Japanese-English ノウハウ because it’s very tempting to use the English “know-how” when there are often better choices out there.
2. Wouldn’t “bleach” be more to the point and more fitting for an article about laundry and washes?

<First paragraph skipped>

Nowadays, the options are seemingly endless for how we choose to watch TV. While terrestrial analog broadcasts still rule supreme, the onset of flat-screen and other high-definition TVs has spawned terrestrial digital broadcasts as well as BS (broadcasting satellite) and CS (commercial satellite) broadcasts via satellite.

1. I like your title and thanks for listening to my advice! However, I’m not sure I understand the last three words of your title. What did you mean by “until go final”?
   Did you mean until the game’s conclusion or until the end of the game?
   訳者注：“until the end of the game”のつもりだったのですが、韻を踏ませるためムリな訳でしたね。
2. non-CRT TVs → flat-screen TVs
   I wonder if it would be easier just to write, “flat-screen TVs”. I had to stop and think for a moment what non-CRT meant. My guess is “non cathode-ray tube” but many of your average readers aren’t going to know what that means.

1. ここの表現は少し変。dominant を用いるか、prevail を使いたければ the prevalent analog terrestrial broadcasting… といった形にする。
2. broadcasting を削除。

1. photographs (pl.)
2. 削除。
3. Very good

1. live が「生中継」という意味なら、録画したものも放送されるので不適当。
2. Images と複数に訂正。
3. once was に訂正。
4. which 節とせず、Analog Terrestrial Television Broadcasting の前に the widely used と形容する。
5. or を追加。

Amongst　all of these　viewing　options, hopes　are　high　that　terrestrial　digital broadcasting will become the standard flag bearer for TV viewing in the foreseeable future. Technically speaking, the frequencies assigned to one channel of a digital terrestrial broadcast are divided into 13 segments. 0f those 13 segments, 12 are allocated for TV viewing at home while the 13th segment has been set aside for mobile handsets. This new technology was initially planned to be called “One segment broadcasting", but ultimately it was tagged with the playful moniker “One Seg".

1. 12 segments → Twelve segments out of the 13 are…
   As a rule, if the first word of a sentence happens to be a number, always spell out the number rather than writing it in numeral form. “out of the 13 are allocated…”
2. Nice work in this paragraph.

1. scheme には「企み」というネガティブな意味があるので、design や plan を使った方が安全。

1. Technically speaking (alt.)

So, just how does “One Seg” differ from standard terrestrial analog TV? Although a number of mobile phones already come equipped with TV tuners, they only pick up analog broadcasts. What this means is that while one can enjoy a Red Sox game if stationary, when moving around the signal gets shaky, 1eading to a choppy picture with lots of static and fuzz, making the picture nearly unwatchable. Enter “One Seg”, a digital broadcast designed on the premise of watching TV while on the go. “One Seg” phones are enabled with error correction coding and other signal adjusting technologies that deliver a solid, steady picture that stays with your device wherever you go.

1. see differences → take a look at the difference
2. You handled the translation well but I’d be careful for that repeating sentence structure you use twice in that paragraph. Namely, the use of the semicolon followed by “however”. In a short paragraph, I’d want to avoid using the same grammatical style more than once.
3. acceptable → decent, watchableでもよい。
4. カンマを入れる。
5. high quality → high-quality（ハイフンを入れる）。

1. このような携帯が販売されたのはいつなのか？数年前？昨年？それとも今発売中？それによって表現も変わってくる。
2. あえて一人称を使ったことに興味がある。筆者自身が実際に視聴したと考えれば筋が通るが。ここはどう表現すべきか？
3. roaming を携帯電話業界のテクニカルタームと分かった上で使用したのだろうか？ただしこの文脈で roaming を使うとやや混乱を起こす可能性があるので、あとの文で使用している on the move/ on the go に統一したほうがよい。

1. このくだり、語順がおかしい。
   reception is often poor and unstable annoying the viewer with wavy or flickering pictures
2. Good, I like your different approaches towards 移動中.

1. lacking に変更。否定形を使うよりも、否定の意味の形容詞、例えば、lacking を使うほうが自然。
2. ここも否定形を使わずに、stationary または in a fixed location 等の肯定形のほうがよい。
3. 画質がよいことを表す形容詞にはもっとぴったりのものがある。例えば、crisp, sharp 等を使うこと。